Babies!

[TruthSeeker]

All that I remember of childhood is feeling quite uncomfortable and screaming a lot...
Huum... it just doesn't seem fun, ya know?

So anyways... we may talk about what is to be a baby and how hard it is to be completely dependent on an imperfect inexperienced adult. :lol:

Here's mine :)
http://www.bytephoto.com/photopost/data/705/2075cloeup_bw_.jpg

Truth :tao:

[Thomas Knierim]

Truthseeker,

I have moved this to the Culture And Lifestyle forum.

The Formal Debates forum is a special area on thebigview.com. Please reread the rules about what content should and should not be posted there. Thank you.

Cheers, Thomas

[scameter]

Thanks, by the way, for deleting my two most recent posts in the Formal Debates area Thomas. I unfortunately forgot what I posted, though, but I suppose I should've been more considerate.

[CSwriter1]

What I think I remember of being a baby, is I was not sure I wanted life.
I am quite sure if my mother hadn't handle me and fed me, I would have just died as some babies do when they are not touched enough. However, her caring for me gave a will to live.

Later when I started walking and fell a lot my mother measured my legs and found one was shorter than another. She was filled with dread. When I was put in a body cast I was terrorified. At first my mother is afraid she wouldn't be able to care for a child with special needs. This stuff lead to PTSD. Regression by a mental health counselor was very helpful in healing the problem.

For sure being a mother and later a grandmother is very trying at times.
So often I wonder if I know enough, if I am wise enough, if what I am doing is the right thing. Today was not a good family day. It is not easy being human. I hope what my words and actions will lead to a better tomorrow for the ones I love.

[TruthSeeker]

For sure being a mother and later a grandmother is very trying at times.
So often I wonder if I know enough, if I am wise enough, if what I am doing is the right thing. Today was not a good family day. It is not easy being human. I hope what my words and actions will lead to a better tomorrow for the ones I love.
Yes, wel... that's what life is about... :)

I've thought about that so much I've attempted to develop guidelines to help me making choices and even entire systemsto make the world better for my child. It has been a 10 year quest and I'm sure it will only end when my body is six feet under... :D

[CSwriter1]

Thomas, please correct me if what I am about to do is wrong, but I really need to respond to what truthseeker said, and don't want this exchange of thought lost by starting a new thread.

My family relationships are very strained at the moment. I see my grandchildren as seriously undisciplined and ill mannered. The other side is my daughter is extremely over taxed trying to meet all her children's needs, financial, emotional, psychologicial, social, etc....

I think our modern focus on psychological feeling needs is causing soooo much trouble! At least in my family the emotional hysteria is more than I want to deal with. I want to scream, shut up, sit down, and pay attention to your manners, not your whiney "you hurt me", garbage. Of course it would not be well mannered to say that, so I can't, but....

This goes back to what I write about public education, and when the young were taught good manners and values in school. We have become so focus on our own feelings, instead of, how do I behave here to be socially accepted? The things the people in my family say to each other and the way they treat each other is awful. We might expect little children to behave so badly, but they are teenagers! Come on, the correcting should have happened long ago, but no one speaks of good manners today. That is not something we think about.

Good manners should make a family gathering pleasant, and make it possible to deal with a wide variety of people without a problem. Whatever our emotional problems are, if we focus on good manners, we should be able to get through okay. I don't want to deal with all the whiney explanations of he hit me, and you always, whine, whine. What is the right thing for you to be doing at the moment? DO IT. Honest to God if we focus on doing the right thing at the moment, we will all get through this point in time much better.

[TruthSeeker]

Btw, this is largely what this thread is about...

Parenting is not easy. If everyone was great at parenting, chances are we would live in a nearly perfect world. Which is why I'm trying my best...

I spent 10 years trying to find out how to do it. I know I probably don't have the answer yet, but I hope I will be able to experiment some of my findings with my child and weight the results with what I expected.

I think the first and most important thing is to treat your child with all the respect a separate individual should get. I always try to recognize him as a a separate person with all his individuality whether then impose on him things that I like or would like for myself. I think that's the base.

Of course I treat him as a little child, but I also talk with him seriously. And when he's old enough to understand, I will probably also teach him what I learned in the last 10 years and what I learned with him. I will also tell him how I'm parenting him and always allow him to tell me what he agrees about it and what he disagrees, what I should strive to do better. I think no amount of discipline is better then this...

One of the first things I will make him aware of is his power to make choices that will shape his entire life. Also teach him that failure is not to be ashamed of, that it is just part of the learning process. And of course, I will make him accountable for his choices. I will expose to him the consequences of his choices and let him decide if he should change his strategies or not.

I will also soon try to teach him many languages at once and see what he does with it. I'm considering arranging chinese lessons as well, altough I'm not sure how. This is because I learnt how the brain works in my psychology classes and came to the conclusion that teaching very different languages in an early age will give him the ability to understand the big picture and will open many many doors to him.

Also, of course, I will tell him about all kinds of cultures, and people. I will make him aware of the world and the problems of the world while reassuring him that I'm protecting him. I will ewncourage him to help people and think of creative ways to solve the world's problems. Particularly about children. I will also tell him that I'm not a perfect person and I have my own limitations. Bu tof course, I love him and I will always do my best...

Huum... I think that is basically it.... :think:

[TruthSeeker]

My family relationships are very strained at the moment. I see my grandchildren as seriously undisciplined and ill mannered. The other side is my daughter is extremely over taxed trying to meet all her children's needs, financial, emotional, psychologicial, social, etc....
Yes. Over the years I found out that the greatest challenge to great parenting is the system itself. Which is why I want to change it. But of course, having a baby, dealing with the system, college and immigritation makes it obviously very challenging...

I think our modern focus on psychological feeling needs is causing soooo much trouble!
I'm not sure what you are saying here...

At least in my family the emotional hysteria is more than I want to deal with. I want to scream, shut up, sit down, and pay attention to your manners, not your whiney "you hurt me", garbage. Of course it would not be well mannered to say that, so I can't, but....
Have you ever read a book called "Nonviolent Communication".... <_<

This goes back to what I write about public education, and when the young were taught good manners and values in school. We have become so focus on our own feelings, instead of, how do I behave here to be socially accepted? The things the people in my family say to each other and the way they treat each other is awful. We might expect little children to behave so badly, but they are teenagers! Come on, the correcting should have happened long ago, but no one speaks of good manners today. That is not something we think about.
Yes indeed! It's not even a matter of good manners, though. It seems to me that one of the main problems is that children are never taught any kind of virtue and are never made aware of the power that they have. Wisdom is all about being aware of your choices and how it affects others. Children today need wisdom.

Good manners should make a family gathering pleasant, and make it possible to deal with a wide variety of people without a problem.
Well, there is one thing though. Good manners for the sake of good manners is meaningless. You cannot tell your children to behave and impose good manners lik respect when you yourself are not being respectful of them. Which is why in the last post I said that they need to be treated as different people with their own personalities. "Good manners" must be a consequence of good parenting, not the means of good parenting.

Whatever our emotional problems are, if we focus on good manners, we should be able to get through okay. I don't want to deal with all the whiney explanations of he hit me, and you always, whine, whine. What is the right thing for you to be doing at the moment?
There's no absolute measure of "rightness". That's why the world can't live together. Some people think the "right" thing is this and the other think it is that. You need an absolute measure in order for it to work. And that measure is the consequence of your choices. If your choice is beneficial to you and to others, then that's a worthwhile choice. It the consequence is not beneficial to someone, then, it can probably be improved. Maybe you can't always make chocies that are beneficial to all, but the point is to strive for that and communicate to everyone involved whether the choice in question is the best or not. This is not black and white! There's an entire range of possibilities! And they fall in many different places in the spectrum.

DO IT. Honest to God if we focus on doing the right thing at the moment, we will all get through this point in time much better.
Once again, what is the "right" thing? For some Muslims, it is to kill someone who disagrees. So? Do you want to discuss that with him? :lol:

[TruthSeeker]

Truthseeker,

I have moved this to the Culture And Lifestyle forum.

The Formal Debates forum is a special area on thebigview.com. Please reread the rules about what content should and should not be posted there. Thank you.

Cheers, Thomas
I'm sorry for your extra work, Thomas. I just thought this could be a formal discussion...

I would love to see a picture of your child(ren) when they were babies... ;) :)

[CSwriter1]

Thruthseeker, you have made me aware of how conservative I have gotten in my old age.

Dicipline is not equal to punishment. Discipline is what we must have if we want to play the piano. Discipline is what we must have if we want to negotiate and get what we want. Discipline is what gives us personal strength and when we do not have it, there is very little we will do well.
It also goes with virtues. Virtueous is synomonous with strength. And all this goes with duty.

"Duty frowns on you when you flee from her, but when you follow her she smiles."

"He who is false to his duty breaks a thread in the loom and will find the flaw in the pattern when, prehaps, it will be too late to repair it."

Can you imagine someone entering a monastary and throwing things at others to torment them because it is personally fun? How about insulting others, because it is funny? What makes it okay for my home to be less sacred, and for 16 and 15 year old teenagers to be obnoxious in my home, leading to people crying and yelling? Please, not in my home, and frankly, I rarely visit them in their home, because it is so unpleasant for me. Perhaps they will do well in life, but this behavior goes with strong resistance to learning to anything. In this family, the way to get what one wants is brutish, and when everything is going wrong, the only wrong they see is me insisting good manners be practiced. Mind you I would give my life to change this and for my family to have all the good things. I pray I win the lottery so they at least have the money they will need for their survival, because I do not think they will do well in life. Maybe the problem is me, but I am broken hearted.

I disagree about good manners being a matter of individual taste. Good manners are a matter of social custom, or use to be. There are books written and well bred people are expected to know what is said in these books. Good manners are universal. There are some differences from culture to culture, but the bases of being respectful and considerate are based on universal human nature.

1. We respect everyone because we are respectful people. (my granddaughter is thrown out of schools, because her behavior is so bad, and my grandson is the last to be chosen for anything and he is very hurt by this.)

2. We act with dignity and protect the dignity of others. In some cultures, this called face saving.

3. We do everything with integrity.

Without a compass, a standard of behavior for human relationships, everything is a big free for all, and people are judging right and wrong on their feelings! This is a disaster!

[TruthSeeker]

I disagree about good manners being a matter of individual taste.
I never said it was. I said the "right" thing is relative to the person. Good manners should be a consequence not the means.

Good manners are a matter of social custom, or use to be.
Social custom never works. It's just tradition. And tradition for the sake of tradition is a huge fallacy.

There are books written and well bred people are expected to know what is said in these books. Good manners are universal. There are some differences from culture to culture, but the bases of being respectful and considerate and based on universal human nature.
Actually, human nature tells us to hunt everything and hump everyone. :lol:
Remember that although our society has evolved tremendoulsy, our chemistry still has millions of years to adapt.... <_<

1. We respect everyone because we are respectful people. (my granddaughter is thrown out of schools, because her behavior is so bad, and my grandson is the last to be chosen for anything and he is very hurt by this.)
That begs the question.You need a better reason to respect everyone...

2. We act with dignity and protect the dignity of others. In some cultures, this called face saving.
There used to be laws where to protect their dignities, husbands were able to kill their wives. What about that?

3. We do everything with integrity.
Who has integrity? Ericson used to say that integrity is part of the very last stage of life. And very few people has that, for a matter of fact.

Without a compass, a standard of behavior for human relationships, everything is a big free for all, and people are judging right and wrong on their feelings! This is a disaster!
This is life. People will do that because they have their own minds, their own perspectives. YOu cannot impose what you believe to be "right" to someone else. Did you read what I wrote. There is a standard and it must be absolute. And the only standard that is absolute in this regard is whether something is beneficial or not. That can be agreed upon everyone most times.

[CSwriter1]

Why "should" good manners be "the consequence not the means."

This makes no sense to me at all. The consequence of having good manners is so positive, it is the way. You know like the path to good human relationships.

[CSwriter1]

Social custom never works. It's just tradition. And tradition for the sake of tradition is a huge fallacy.


:unsure: We sure see things differently. What is the fallacy? I think tradions are wonderful for bringing people together. What is the flaw in reasoning for something that works so well?

[CSwriter1]

QUOTE
1. We respect everyone because we are respectful people. (my granddaughter is thrown out of schools, because her behavior is so bad, and my grandson is the last to be chosen for anything and he is very hurt by this.)

That begs the question.You need a better reason to respect everyone...[QUOTE]

No you do not. And in India the sacredness in everyone is acknowledged. If you look for God in another you will find God. I see I need to research some things to quote to support this point of view.

I am not denying I am never repulsed by another human being. I am saying when I am so repulsed, I am not acting out of the higher self, but am being lowly and materialistic myself. When our goal is to rise above this, the out come is better.

[CSwriter1]

QUOTE
2. We act with dignity and protect the dignity of others. In some cultures, this called face saving.

There used to be laws where to protect their dignities, husbands were able to kill their wives. What about that?[QUOTE]

Othello addresses this, and it is so sad that he killed his wife who had done him no wrong. He made a terrible error but that does not destroy of truth of what I said.
I am curious about our evolution as people in general have turned against the rules that made society good.
We can live by the rule without killing, and failure to do so, can result in murder. It does result in many social problems.

[TruthSeeker]

Why "should" good manners be "the consequence not the means."

This makes no sense to me at all. The consequence of having good manners is so positive, it is the way. You know like the path to good human relationships.
What would you do if you were a small child, 6 years old, and your mother would tell you to do something? Would you just do it?

Here's the thing. If you just tell your kid what to do, you are breaching that kid's right to freely choose. That's bad, really bad, because you are simply not respecting the individuality of your child- which I talked about earlier. Not only that, but you are also making that child dependdent on you.

So what can you do? Well, you teach your child. You say "This is what you do in this situation because of this and that. Do you see my point? Do you agree with me?". You tell your child why you make the choices you make and invite them to discuss on the issue. That gives them power. That gives them freedom. That gives them wisdom. I'm sorry, but to just plain tell them what to do is far from proper parenting. Children are capable of understanding and they are their own individual, with feelings and desires. To make them choose as you wish is to breach on their feelings and desires, it's to disrespect them and to not teach them anything about life but authorithism, which wreaks in this planet.

Sorry, but it's true...! :o

[CSwriter1]

QUOTE
3. We do everything with integrity.

Who has integrity? Ericson used to say that integrity is part of the very last stage of life. And very few people has that, for a matter of fact.[QUOTE]

My grandmother and her generation had integrity. It was an insult to doubt a man's word. Deals were closed by shaking hands. Why do you have such a soar attitude? What has happened to our evolution to make things so ugly?

Once we all understood the way to protect our liberty was to be honest and honorable people. No police force can achieve what culture can achieve, and I wonder why people have become so soar? :think: Come to think of it, this happened in Germany when the Prussians took over, and the US has imitated Germany in every significant way. In the book published in 1915 Charles Sarolea explains how the Germans influenced by the Prussians became soar people.

[CSwriter1]

Thank you so much for confirming what I was coming to believe is true. The reason my daughter is having so much trouble, is she to young to know any better than you. Good luck.

And I need to pull out of this negativity and poor understanding of human development.

[TruthSeeker]

We sure see things differently. What is the fallacy?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Appeal_to_tradition
"The assumption behind this argument is that whatever reason led to the old methods of thinking is still valid today. If circumstances have changed, this may be a false assumption."

I think tradions are wonderful for bringing people together.
Well, sometimes, I suppose...

What is the flaw in reasoning for something that works so well?
See above. Also, sometimes people are so focused on tradition they lsoe creativity and kiss opportunities. That's why I like what is new. I like things that are fresh...

I've always despised tradition just like I despise fashion. Those things are just based on following others. Why should you follow others? Take a look at this world. More then half of the people in this planet live in misery. Do you really think we should just keep doing whatever we have been doing? :knockout:

Noooooooope! :nono:

Last, but not least, tradition doesn't really allow you to plain be yourself. Why should you follow others?

Of course, I;ve also always despised culture. However, and this is a big however, I love multiculturalism because it brings people together. So this knife, in particular, really has two blades... <_<


EDIT: Here's an expansion of the problems tradition brings.
In acient times it was a tradition for the druids to sacrifice babies to their gods. So they would just keep doing it because it was their tradition. Would you just do that for the sake of tradition?

[TruthSeeker]

Thank you so much for confirming what I was coming to believe is true. The reason my daughter is having so much trouble, is she to young to know any better than you. Good luck.

And I need to pull out of this negativity and poor understanding of human development.
Eh? Where do I say young people are ignorant?
I said the exact opposite! :o :blink:

So how about a quote that lead to what you just said, please....? <_<


EDIT: I don't get your reaction. What if I would just come here and tell you to do this this and that and that if you don't do as I say I will punish you!? And if you ask why I just tell you to just do it? How would you feel about that? Would you think this will be respectful? Would you think that could override your feelings?

[TruthSeeker]

No you do not. And in India the sacredness in everyone is acknowledged. If you look for God in another you will find God. I see I need to research some things to quote to support this point of view.

I am not denying I am never repulsed by another human being. I am saying when I am so repulsed, I am not acting out of the higher self, but am being lowly and materialistic myself. When our goal is to rise above this, the out come is better.
Well, yes, it's called "namaste". But why!? Why should you respect other people! What is the reasoning behind that! You must explain this to your child! :o

[TruthSeeker]

My grandmother and her generation had integrity.
You think like that because you respect her. I'm not saying she doesn't have, she could very well had had!

It was an insult to doubt a man's word.
Well, it is more of an insult to simply accept it without ever questioning it.

Deals were closed by shaking hands.
Who cares if you shake hands or not. Respect doesn't come from tradition, it comes from your heart. If you respect someone in your heart, that's enough. Of course you can very well show that, but to shake hands for the sake of shaking hands? How is that respectful?

Why do you have such a soar attitude?
I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean by "soar"...

What has happened to our evolution to make things so ugly?
Well, quite blatantly, bad parenting. Nobody is born knowing how to parent. And it's so hard to be a good parent! Specially in the world today.

Your parents are the ones who define who you are. So if a teenager is disrespectful, I'm sorry, but chances are the teenager's parents were also disrespectful towards them when theyy were children!

You can create great dreams with words of encouragement or shatter every single bit of a child's dream with critiques. Parents are soooo powerful- and they don't even know it!

Once we all understood the way to protect our liberty was to be honest and honorable people.
To be for the sake of being is not to be.

No police force can achieve what culture can achieve, and I wonder why people have become so soar?
Yes...

[sahyo]

Here's the thing. If you just tell your kid what to do, you are breaching that kid's right to freely choose. That's bad, really bad, because you are simply not respecting the individuality of your child- which I talked about earlier. Not only that, but you are also making that child dependdent on you.

So what can you do? Well, you teach your child. You say "This is what you do in this situation because of this and that. Do you see my point? Do you agree with me?". You tell your child why you make the choices you make and invite them to discuss on the issue. That gives them power. That gives them freedom. That gives them wisdom. I'm sorry, but to just plain tell them what to do is far from proper parenting. Children are capable of understanding and they are their own individual, with feelings and desires. To make them choose as you wish is to breach on their feelings and desires, it's to disrespect them and to not teach them anything about life but authorithism, which wreaks in this planet.



:thumbsup:

[CSwriter1]

I once thought as you do. Good luck.

I suppose if you always have a happy marriage and can always provide what the child wants, and therefore, keep your child in the social circles where all the children have mothers and fathers and all the things they want, your idea of how things work might work. My father was able to keep his second family in this reality and it worked very well.

However, there are are class differences. Perhaps your children will never chose friends from dysfunctional homes, who have no respect for anyone or the laws, and they will never get into drugs.

I used to believe love fixed everything and all I needed to do was empower my children to do what they wanted. When they did something wrong we talked about it. I would often say I didn't think something was a good choice, but left the child to follow his/her own decisions. I thought I had beaten the odds and was good friends with my children. Then when every thing went wrong, I did some studying and well, good luck. It is easy to raise good children and a whole other thing for them to transition into adults.

[TruthSeeker]

CSwriter1,

How about reading this: Psychology Today: The Winning Edge (http://www.psychologytoday.com/rss/pto-20051017-000003.html)

Also, ever watched the "Fiddler on the Roof (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fiddler_on_the_Roof)"? It's quite brilliant. It's about the advantages and disadvantages of tradition. You should watch it....

I suppose if you always have a happy marriage and can always provide what the child wants, and therefore, keep your child in the social circles where all the children have mothers and fathers and all the things they want, your idea of how things work might work. My father was able to keep his second family in this reality and it worked very well.
Well, it works with any family. It works specially well with family in troubled conditions, for a matter of fact.

However, there are are class differences. Perhaps your children will never chose friends from dysfunctional homes, who have no respect for anyone or the laws, and they will never get into drugs.
My wife is from a dysfunctional home. Guess who helped her? B)
I know what I'm talking about. I have experienced "the thing".

I used to believe love fixed everything and all I needed to do was empower my children to do what they wanted. When they did something wrong we talked about it. I would often say I didn't think something was a good choice, but left the child to follow his/her own decisions. I thought I had beaten the odds and was good friends with my children. Then when every thing went wrong, I did some studying and well, good luck. It is easy to raise good children and a whole other thing for them to transition into adults.
Well, what happened? What went wrong?

[Thomas Knierim]

Parental influence and guidance is strong before the school years. Starting with pre-school it gradually loses impact, as the child becomes more open towards other people and other influences. Once the child is in its teens, parental influence is quite weak. It is presumptuous to assume that parents do actually control things, because parents rarely possess full knowledge of the consequences of their behaviour and what impressions it makes on the child. The education that takes place is a result of many factors. Every child is different. It is so complex that it cannot be planned or controlled. Education must evolve.

That said I am personally inclined towards traditional values. In particular, I believe that parents are well advised to instill discipline, respect, kindness, and willingness to share while they can, i.e. while parental influence is strong. Later it's too late.

TS: If you just tell your kid what to do, you are breaching that kid's right to freely choose.

I strongly disagree. There are situations where obedience is required, because children cannot be given the right to make choices unless they fully understand the consequences of their choices. They will acquire this ability gradually and with it the right for self-determination.

TS: I'm sorry, but to just plain tell them what to do is far from proper parenting.

I am sorry, but I doubt that you can judge what proper parenting is. You and your baby still have a lot of experiences in front of you. ;)

Cheers, Thomas

[TruthSeeker]

Parental influence and guidance is strong before the school years. Starting with pre-school it gradually loses impact, as the child becomes more open towards other people and other influences. Once the child is in its teens, parental influence is quite weak.
Yes, indeed. Huumm.. I wrote a few things about that some time ago... Let me see...
Here...

"5) Sociological Stage
The child starts developing the persona and the shadow. As the child understands that some things are liked by people and others are not, he tries to show people only the parts of himself that others like (persona) and hides those parts that he dislikes (shadow). Life becomes increasingly complicated as the child has to deal with so many parts of his personality and with many people aside from his parents. Their parents also lose some of their influence due to their child’s new sociological state, thanks to the school. Incongruence can become a serious problem as the child does not know how to handle so many parts of his personality and so many different people properly. For example, he may tell lies that are very hard to believe in. There’s also an obvious differentiation between public and private self."
(http://www.thebigview.com/discussion/index.php?act=ST&f=5&t=786&st=0#entry22483)

It is presumptuous to assume that parents do actually control things, because parents rarely possess full knowledge of the consequences of their behaviour and what impressions it makes on the child. The education that takes place is a result of many factors. Every child is different. It is so complex that it cannot be planned or controlled. Education must evolve.
True. Life is a dance. You gotta keep moving with it! ;)

That said I am personally inclined towards traditional values. In particular, I believe that parents are well advised to instill discipline, respect, kindness, and willingness to share while they can, i.e. while parental influence is strong. Later it's too late.
Well, of course those thigns are very important. But to just tell to our children "be respectful".... that's just not the way. We have to explain to our child why those values are important, why it happens. It's just like education. If you just memorize, you eventually forget. But if you actually understand it, then it lasts forever!!

I'm strongly against forcing our children to have values. I rather explain to them why I want them to have the values I want them to have. I want them to understand why. Nobody ever told me why I should have values. So why should I listen to them?

If someone tell you to do something and force you to do that, do you appreciate that? Do you feel respected? How do you feel?

Same is true with your children.

I strongly disagree. There are situations where obedience is required, because children cannot be given the right to make choices unless they fully understand the consequences of their choices.
Absolutely! Which is why I strongly suggest to teach our children WHY! The reason is the key! Once they understand, they can make the choices for themselves. And they will choose well if we teach well!

They will acquire this ability gradually and with it the right for self-determination.

Yes, it is gradual. But it is also dynamic. It doesn't happen overnight, like the drinking age. It's not like completing 18 years old, when you are finally suddenly capable of making the wise choice of whether to drink or not....:D :lol: :chairdrop: :rofl:

I am sorry, but I doubt that you can judge what proper parenting is. You and your baby still have a lot of experiences in front of you.
Maybe. But I certainly know how I felt when people just told me to do things when I was a child without telling me why. If they would just have told me the reason behind it, I would have done it without needing to be punished.

Huuummm...
Have you ever studied psychology? What is more efficient- positive punishment or positive conditioning?

This is one of the reasons I believe in teaching your children. It's much more in tune with positive conditioning then positive punishment...

[scameter]

Maybe. But I certainly know how I felt when people just told me to do things when I was a child without telling me why. If they would just have told me the reason behind it, I would have done it without needing to be punished.

My father did tell me the reason he wanted me to do things, and helped me to understand them, even when I was very young. This is part of the reason I love him unbelievably: he cared enough to be patient with me, and to consider me an individual person enough to guide me, even when I was alot younger than he.

[TruthSeeker]

Precisely! And that gave you a tremendous power, self-confidence and wisdom!!! :)

As a side note, expanding on that and what I said....
One of the benefits of treating children as individuals and encouraging them to think is that they don't just learn values, they BECOME the values instead!

For example, one of the best strategies for teaching your child is to sit down around the table with your family and write down your families vision and mission. You make a charity plan and you encourage your child to make it happen! You give your child some money and you encourage the child to use it to help other people! You also encourage the child to do charitable acts sometimes, like helping an old person to carry their groceries or something like that.

Not just that, but do it yourself!! It's imperative that you also teach by example!

Here are some of the immediate benefits and the values learnt from this simple strategy:
1) Compassion: through the help of people in need
2) Social responsibility
3) Awareness of social issues
4) Community involvement
5) Respect
6) Integrity: through your own work as an example. You do it too- you don't just tell them to do.
7) Generosity
8) Unconditional Love

This is way, WAY more efficient then just telling your child: "be generous", or "respect others".

The Seeker :tao:

[scameter]

Precisely! And that gave you a tremendous power, self-confidence and wisdom!!!

If my mother hadn't have had an influence as she did, it would have. It really only gave the latter, to some degree. And my suffering perhaps gave even more wisdom, or perhaps common sense would suit better.

Here are some of the immediate benefits and the values learnt from this simple strategy:

I personally value freedom and individuality very much. Thus, I respect what my dad did for me so much because it allowed me to be free and individual with myself and my choices. Of course he guided me and provided for me, as he still does; but, I was and am able to choose what I like and dislike, and to understand what he was telling me.