Online Dating

[Squish]

OK, so recently after almost 2 years of dataing someone I've found myself single again, and I've realized that the bar scene just isn't doin' it for me, and a friend of mine "talked me in to" online dating. As I perused the many options the opposite sex had to offer, I started to notice a distinct trend. There were SO MANY women that started out by saying:

OK, so I've finally given up and "resorted" to this online dating "thing".

I couldn't help but wonder why the perception was that it was such a horrible "thing" that had to be "resorted to". Has culture got us all feeling like such "failures" that we have to be embarrased by exploring options other than the "norm" in our attempts to find love? I've even caught myself sort of looking down on my friend who met his future wife online, and I don't know why!!! He's at least got someone else in his life!!! What does this say about society? It's not just me, or I wouldn't have noticed this trend!! So what is it? It should be a good thing that helps people find one another shouldn't it?

[scameter]

I like the online environment much better than the life environment.

[Smurf]

hmm interesting... online dating does have its benefits, if you don't end up with some fat ugly guy... although there might be a heart under the pounds somewhere :D

be careful though, it is like a mask party, all about the personalities...

[scameter]

That's the good thing: you never have to see and/or meet in person anyone you talk to online. :P

[Smurf]

hey you're the one going on about humanities all the time?

actually that's good in Ron's case :D

man I'm getting stress headache, I might rest for a while... though I'm getting a new computer tomorrow! :thumbsup:

[scameter]

lol What do you mean, that I'm the one going on about humanities? :P

And, that's good! :) Yes, rest my friend! :)

[Smurf]

hmm hmm hmmmm *clears throat*

See? Story. Poetry. Feeling. Passion. That is humanity, that is what makes us truly unique in nature. Science, engineering, medicine, law: all necessary to sustain life; but poetry, beauty, romance love! That is what we stay alive *for*! "To indeed be a god!

[scameter]

Oh. :D

[Smurf]

ok goodnight Scam gonna go to bed now

I might try and get Yahoo messenger so as we can chat easier? :)

[MidnightSun]

Online relashionips often ends in disaster and that mask game is really dangerous. Saying that from my personal experience. Anyway if ur ugly ,noone likes u or ur a bad person to talk to..well for such a loosers like me net is the only way to satisfy the need of love..

[sahyo]

now 2 months living man met on a zen forum

[locomotive]

hmm I can't imagine online dating. You never see the other person true expressions.

[sahyo]

listen

[locomotive]

still it would take longer to hear.

[sahyo]

longer ?

[locomotive]

yes with less data.

[sahyo]

listening data?

[Squish]

Well, I suppose if your goal is to anonymously talk with people and never meet them, online's the natural way to go. When I said online dating, I meant like actually using online to really meet real life people, like as, "in person" eventually. If your goal is to meet someone to spend at least part of your "real" life with, just meeting people online could be a viable way to go, it just seems like it's poo poo'd and "fallen back on" when all else seems to fail. I just found that kinda odd...

"you don't find love...love finds you"

Fair point. I myself felt that way for quite a while. It's just that sitting at home alone at night for the last 2 months has changed my perception a little... :-)

I actually met (in person) a very nice girl the other night who was pretty, stable, and very kind. There was no spark on either side, so it didn't work out, but without going online there probably never would've been a chance of us ever meeting. Does that mean I should stop looking and wait for it (love) to find me?

" still it would take longer to hear."

I agree with Locomotive on this one. You get a LOT more out of face to face than you would online. You can read the other person. Their posture, facial expressions, inflection...etc.

[scameter]

Well, I suppose if your goal is to anonymously talk with people and never meet them, online's the natural way to go.

That's me. :)

[Thomas Knierim]

Well, ahem, I did most of my dating before online dating was invented. But then again, I am a web developer, so I discovered online dating before most other people did. That was sometime in the mid 90s when there were no dating sites and chat rooms where the only way to go.

The promises are great. You can talk to anyone anywhere, regardless of culture and distance. Instead of prowling smoky entertainment places with a lot of drunken people inside, you can find like-minded people in a matter of minutes while staying in a comfortable environment and spending no efforts on travel.

Nowadays things are even easier. There are databases with single profiles that you can search for specific criteria, such as geographic proximity, interests, age, and so on. Plus online dating has lost its nerdy image. Twenty years ago partner matching databases were considered a last resort for the desperate. Today it's pretty normal, even trendy, to start relationships online.

Despite all of this I have to say I am very sceptical about online dating. While I think that the Internet is generally a boon for all kinds of relations, e.g. business relations, academic exchange, interest groups, and so on, it's not so great as a dating place, or as an interpersonal venue in general.

What you see on the Internet is merely a reflection of the person, an image. This image is often highly artificial. People wear all kind of masks by using pseudonyms, avatars, fake photos, fake stories. Even if both conversation partners are honest, which is rare, their opinions of themselves are very likely to diverge from reality in no small degree.

What is more, today's technology is still centred on chat, discussion, and email. All you see is words and thoughts. You don't hear a voice. You don't see a face. You don't see gestures and facial expressions. Perhaps this will change soon with broadband and video technology.

In summary I find online dating a waste of time, because of the above limitations. It's unsatisfactory. Real world interaction is not only more fun, it is also much more meaningful. That being said, I still see value in online relationships and communities, in particular in the context of interest groups and business.

For example, I found the expatriate networks very helpful, in particular the Thai and Asia expat groups. There are many kind and generous people helping with advice and tips. Likewise, this discussion group is beneficial (self-praise alert!) to those who are interested in philosophy and who want to develop their knowledge and debating skills.

Cheers, Thomas

[locomotive]

ah you almost made a slip :lol:

I wonder what would happen if dating sites started to use cams and microphones. Maybe it would make things better maybe people would be like errr..

[scameter]

Hey, you have an msn messenger account psyche? Could I have it to add to my contacts, so that if you're ever online we could talk in real-time? But you don't have to though; it's up to you. :)

[Squish]

"silence and being alone is highly underrated...it is most valuable to the spiritualy inclined..."

As someone who's gotten into Vipassana meditation recently I really do appreciate this perspective, but you can be the most stable, grounded, spiritual person in the world, and it's still nice to have a non-ethereal hug every once in a while.... It's another way to warm the soul!!

"online dating has lost its nerdy image"

Has it? Why is it still such a social stigmatism then? Why the "last resort" mentality? Sorry, I know I'm harping on this a little, but I just don't get it....

[Moonchild]

everybody knows that love is a game... you need to gamble and if you win it's yours to cherish and to nurture for it to stay, if you lose then you need to let go and open a new chapter... whether you find love online or in real life it doesn't make any difference why? because real love will find its way to you whether you're online or in sahara desert or anywhere... i don't question people who finds their love online, i find them very courageous because they pour their heart and soul out thinking that they have nothing to lose, like it's the now or the never, they set aside the "what ifs" and follow their heart or their hypothalamus.. i don't know... :think: it's just that they are really brave to be honest to others even though its pretty hard to find real friends and honest people online... :)

[WilliamMckeehan]

one of my best friends i met online. we do live are own lives and dont really talk but we are the best of friends and have impacted each other lives in 1 way or the other. but maybe meeting her in person would mess up are friendship? i dont think it would. so maybe we will spend some time together. after she is done being so successful and everything lol

[sahyo]

no defining loving

[Smurf]

do we always need a definition? cannot your mind work out the meaning, without the words?

[scameter]

People need words because they categorize natural entities, enough so that they can feel as if their power and self and ego and knowledge encompasses it, even though they are only seeing a miniature version of it.

[Thomas Knierim]

psyche: no...romance is a game...love is the very antitheses of a game...

Yes, that is exactly the point. Unfortunately most people confuse the two. Love doesn't even require a partner.

Cheers, Thomas

[scameter]

:D

[Squish]

OK, never mind. I'm goin' back to the bars....

[scameter]

:D

[Smurf]

heh

yeah

but can't you just say "love"? doesn't that define it enough? in this instance I think that Love needs to be defined through the experience of it

[scameter]

I personally think that love cannot be defined. Love is a feeling, an emotion, a power, a state of being, an extension and a magnanimous version of compassion, and a reflection of enlightenment and revelation; but it cannot be defined through logic. Logic is too bland to fit it's fluid frame.

[buzzlightyear1982]

I completely agree! Love cannot be defined in words or description...but it must be expieranced to be fully understood B)

[scameter]

I don't think it can be understood completely either. It is not something meant to be understood, unlike the desires of many intellectuals for things; it is meant to be lived and felt.

[buzzlightyear1982]

Exactly, for by definition love itself is a feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance. But that doesn't even began to describe the emotional and mental charactoristics of love B)