AlphaCentauri
13th January 2006, 05:56 PM
Hello all!Mi name is José, and Iīm 28 years old.
Well I used to study, and I used to do many things, and I had a normal life, one of those in which well, a life that doesnīt put up many questions, even though I used to (and I keep doing so) making myself many questions. In fact, Iīve studied philosophy. Yeap, thatīs right, I studied philosophy. Usually during the morning. 19 subjects I took in University (and Iīm proud to recognize it, Iīm not going to deny that) but as Iīve said, that was during the morning. In the afternoon I had piano lessons, as well as german and japanese lessons. Saturday morning I sang in a chorus until 1 pm. Because at 1:30 pm I was checking in at the restaurant in which I worked for the rest of the weekend. All that I did joyfully and feeling full of energy. Donīt ask me how I managed to do so, but I still had time to go out with my friends, with the girl I was then with and keep on reading books and watching movies at a non-stoping rate. The thing is, I managed.
I remember all that and Iīm proud to recognize it, Iīm not going to deny that.
Later on, at age 24, Parkinson came, but, as for me, I took it as if nothing had happened; I just put it on the list of things-to-handle. All right, just one more. Why should that affect me? Me? How could that be? Iīm Superman. Iīm too busy to going on depressing. Letīs keep on the average day-work and staff.
But things didnīt turn out that way. My hyperactivity came to an end, and I couldnīt concentrate as before, worse than that, my attitude changed, and worst of all, I even started treating badly everybody around me, all the people that, of course, were in no way guilty of what was happening to me. But I got angry, and in my blindness, I thruw everything away. I got angry with the doctors, with my girl, with my legs, that couldnīt take me wherever I wanted to as before, I got angry with my hands, that couldnīt play the piano as always, I got angry with the pills I had to take and finally I ended up hating everything and hating myself.
Well You know what I came here to say? That one must never give up, and that being angry and upset is the worst way we can be. Letīs not fall in selfcompassion, because the real benefit that we get by playing the victim (and thatīs important to recongize, if we donīt want to lie to ourselves: it is true that we get and advantage, maybe other peopleīs mercy or pity or time or attention, or maybe we just allow ourselves to do whatever we like as if we were small kids, but, in the end, itīs a trap! We may quit with some project if there is no way to make it work, but we must never quit with ourselves, because we are the most important project that we build every single day of our lives (or that we destroy, for it is easy if you donīt pay attention)
We must value every moment what itīs really important. And what is it?
We may live quiet and peacefully thinking weīve got everything well tied, and suddenly a disease, an accident or who knows what turn your life upside down.
Well thatīs true, but, you see, when that kind of things happen, you end up making yourself THE questions, the right questions. As for me, a philosophy student, I donīt go asking anymore who am I? where do I come from? Where am I going?, instead I ask myself what do I feel? Who was waiting for me when I came? And Who is going to walk by my side wherever I may go in life?
I make myself different questions now. I think the most important of all is: of all the things Iīve made in life, what has given me more joy and happiness? What is really worth of all our struggles? I donīt know about you, but in my case I cannot thing of anything except the ones I love. My family, my friends and many moments shared together, for I think thatīs happiness, a shared moment. Iīve needed Parkinson to realize it, itīs kind of funny in a way, and somehow Iīm a lucky man too.
Iīve realized that all my hyperactivity of the years before Parkinson were just a running away from other problems. I was thinking as much as I could, so I could feel as little as possible.
Facing reality is not easy, all right. The world can be a terrible place to be in, ok; but it can also be a great place, and the biggest wonder of all is that it is up to us to make it so.
Now I donīt run as I used to, but Iīve learned thatīs better to walk, no matter how slowly you do it, if youīre not walking alone.
Hold on to the love you have, the love you give and the love you take, because its the biggest treasure of your life. Iīve finally learned that lesson. Now I have to life accordingly. It wonīt be easy, because I have had many years of selfishness and narrow minded points of view about feelings, but Iīm sure it will be the trip of my life. To open oneself. It has to come from me, Iīll have to do the effort, because although others may help, no one is going to save us and take the decision of living for us. We have to love ourselves, to take care or ourselves, otherwise we wonīt be able to love others. Otherwise we may need others, but thatīs not loving them.
Hold on to the love you have, the love you give and the love you take, because its the biggest treasure of your life. Without health there is nothing, ok, but health is not everything. And if our body has to crawl, weīll have to fly with our soul.
Thanks for reading this. Sharing it with you means a lot to me. Before it would have been a chance to show off. Now is a chance to feel on.
Ah! One last thing! Donīt give up your dreams and the things you like. Remember I said I used to play the piano. Well, it may sound ridiculous a pianist with Parkinson, but I keep on playing. Why not? After all the process that Iīve gone through accepting my situation, I think Iīve grown up and I feel stronger now than before. There is always a long way to go, but donīt stop, donīt stop. I keep on playing, and the music that my hands are not able to play, my heart is now able to feel.
I wish you all the good luck, joy and love
José
Well I used to study, and I used to do many things, and I had a normal life, one of those in which well, a life that doesnīt put up many questions, even though I used to (and I keep doing so) making myself many questions. In fact, Iīve studied philosophy. Yeap, thatīs right, I studied philosophy. Usually during the morning. 19 subjects I took in University (and Iīm proud to recognize it, Iīm not going to deny that) but as Iīve said, that was during the morning. In the afternoon I had piano lessons, as well as german and japanese lessons. Saturday morning I sang in a chorus until 1 pm. Because at 1:30 pm I was checking in at the restaurant in which I worked for the rest of the weekend. All that I did joyfully and feeling full of energy. Donīt ask me how I managed to do so, but I still had time to go out with my friends, with the girl I was then with and keep on reading books and watching movies at a non-stoping rate. The thing is, I managed.
I remember all that and Iīm proud to recognize it, Iīm not going to deny that.
Later on, at age 24, Parkinson came, but, as for me, I took it as if nothing had happened; I just put it on the list of things-to-handle. All right, just one more. Why should that affect me? Me? How could that be? Iīm Superman. Iīm too busy to going on depressing. Letīs keep on the average day-work and staff.
But things didnīt turn out that way. My hyperactivity came to an end, and I couldnīt concentrate as before, worse than that, my attitude changed, and worst of all, I even started treating badly everybody around me, all the people that, of course, were in no way guilty of what was happening to me. But I got angry, and in my blindness, I thruw everything away. I got angry with the doctors, with my girl, with my legs, that couldnīt take me wherever I wanted to as before, I got angry with my hands, that couldnīt play the piano as always, I got angry with the pills I had to take and finally I ended up hating everything and hating myself.
Well You know what I came here to say? That one must never give up, and that being angry and upset is the worst way we can be. Letīs not fall in selfcompassion, because the real benefit that we get by playing the victim (and thatīs important to recongize, if we donīt want to lie to ourselves: it is true that we get and advantage, maybe other peopleīs mercy or pity or time or attention, or maybe we just allow ourselves to do whatever we like as if we were small kids, but, in the end, itīs a trap! We may quit with some project if there is no way to make it work, but we must never quit with ourselves, because we are the most important project that we build every single day of our lives (or that we destroy, for it is easy if you donīt pay attention)
We must value every moment what itīs really important. And what is it?
We may live quiet and peacefully thinking weīve got everything well tied, and suddenly a disease, an accident or who knows what turn your life upside down.
Well thatīs true, but, you see, when that kind of things happen, you end up making yourself THE questions, the right questions. As for me, a philosophy student, I donīt go asking anymore who am I? where do I come from? Where am I going?, instead I ask myself what do I feel? Who was waiting for me when I came? And Who is going to walk by my side wherever I may go in life?
I make myself different questions now. I think the most important of all is: of all the things Iīve made in life, what has given me more joy and happiness? What is really worth of all our struggles? I donīt know about you, but in my case I cannot thing of anything except the ones I love. My family, my friends and many moments shared together, for I think thatīs happiness, a shared moment. Iīve needed Parkinson to realize it, itīs kind of funny in a way, and somehow Iīm a lucky man too.
Iīve realized that all my hyperactivity of the years before Parkinson were just a running away from other problems. I was thinking as much as I could, so I could feel as little as possible.
Facing reality is not easy, all right. The world can be a terrible place to be in, ok; but it can also be a great place, and the biggest wonder of all is that it is up to us to make it so.
Now I donīt run as I used to, but Iīve learned thatīs better to walk, no matter how slowly you do it, if youīre not walking alone.
Hold on to the love you have, the love you give and the love you take, because its the biggest treasure of your life. Iīve finally learned that lesson. Now I have to life accordingly. It wonīt be easy, because I have had many years of selfishness and narrow minded points of view about feelings, but Iīm sure it will be the trip of my life. To open oneself. It has to come from me, Iīll have to do the effort, because although others may help, no one is going to save us and take the decision of living for us. We have to love ourselves, to take care or ourselves, otherwise we wonīt be able to love others. Otherwise we may need others, but thatīs not loving them.
Hold on to the love you have, the love you give and the love you take, because its the biggest treasure of your life. Without health there is nothing, ok, but health is not everything. And if our body has to crawl, weīll have to fly with our soul.
Thanks for reading this. Sharing it with you means a lot to me. Before it would have been a chance to show off. Now is a chance to feel on.
Ah! One last thing! Donīt give up your dreams and the things you like. Remember I said I used to play the piano. Well, it may sound ridiculous a pianist with Parkinson, but I keep on playing. Why not? After all the process that Iīve gone through accepting my situation, I think Iīve grown up and I feel stronger now than before. There is always a long way to go, but donīt stop, donīt stop. I keep on playing, and the music that my hands are not able to play, my heart is now able to feel.
I wish you all the good luck, joy and love
José