Emptiness

[NeverMind]

I have had (I dont know how long, I only noticed it a few months ago) a physical emptiness in the center of my being (just inside the bottom of my ribcage) and it has been plaguing me. It is a cold sphere that I can literally FEEL inside of me. It is driving me mad.
Here are some things I think it might be:

1. God trying to get me to believe in him (I was very Christian for a long time, then questioned my faith, then abandoned it)

2. Lack of Yoga (I don't remember feeling empty when I was in Yoga)

3. A physical response due to all the lying I've been doing recently (My girlfriend and I had been sneaking around behind my parents' backs but we discontinued that. My parents also do not know about my recent belief system)

4. Depression (I have several of the symptoms, and my mother, a registered Child Phychologist, suggested that I see a counselor, etc. Maybe it could be caused by a chemical imbalance in my brain and pills would fix it.)

5. My brain creating a false feeling. (Possibly after hearing many stories about people being empty without God, it has been convinced that it is actually true and is making me physically feel the way it thinks I should)

6. Not being able to spend enough time with my girlfriend (She got caught when we were sneaking around and we have been able to spend even less time together than we had before, which is the reason we were sneaking around in the first place)

7. Repressed emotions (All the things I want to say but dont, want to do but dont, etc.)

8. Just plain boredom (the monotony of my life. the repetition and all the mundane aspects.)

9. A false sense of imprisonment/powerlessness (my father is a tyrant, i cannot drive, i am lame)

10. It's just a phase (I'm 16, maybe I'll grow out of it)

If you think maybe I'm on to something, or you were in a similar predicament and found a way out of it, or didn't, whatever, I would like to know about it.
I really need to get over this empty feeling. It is tearing me up. If anyone can help, please do.

[jesupocaplypse]

Well Nevermind, I feel I can help, provide some reassurance at least; when i was at that age, i went through a similar feeling-phase...

1. You don't need to be Christian to believe in God, or Jesus. Both of those are just words. It's the idea and the personal meanings behind them that are important. Don't blame god, that's far to simple minded for one such as you. God just want's you to be.

2. Stick with the yoga, or at least devote a few minutes a day to stretching, and exercise, Your health and well being and the attention you give to your body, your temple-vessel, go hand and hand.

3. The truth shall set you free as they say, (though sometimes it can land you in jail... try to avoid such things.. ;) It's better to omit than to decieve. But often, as hard as it may be, the only real way out of a lie, is to just buck up, and tell the truth. It may be hard on both sides at first, but unless they are completely irrational, compassionless people, they will appreciate your being honest, and they'll get over it, you'll feel better, and you'll all grow.

4. Sometimes a counseller helps, just having someone to talk to, to be able to openly and fearlessly express yourself to (in person) and let all the build up out, can really do wonders. I doubt it's a chemical imbalance, and even if it was, Drugs are NOT the answer, not unless it's severe, and even then i doubt it. If there is a neuro chem imbalance... check your Diet. What are you eating? 9 times out of 10, it's a lack of vitamins. Eat more bright colored veggies and fruits, take a daily multi vitamin, especially important and helpful for the brain is your B vitamins. To this day, i have 7 friends who had been given 'pills' for depression, and it never did a thing but get them addicted to the pills, and only further their depression, and every single one of them, after i got them to stop taking those pills, and start taking a multi vitamin, and a B-Complex vitamin (B-50) and then shift to a healthier diet; they all made complete recoveries, and felt worlds better within weeks, some within days. Beware Shrinks who solve problems with drugs: they are being paid by those drug companies. Curing things doesn't make them any money. Prolonging does.

5. Again; you don't need organized religion, and the belief 'systems' to believe in God.. the word 'God' itself is misleading, and leads to ideas of 'unworth' and 'sin' and littleness. Try submiting the word Life, in place of God, and remember that You are a part of Life, no less than anything else within this grand tapestry of the Universe. I don't see how any one can look up at the stars or a sunset, and think that Life, and the one and only "way" can be contained with a single book of a few hundred pages. that's just narrow minded. Life and the Universe are Infinite, therefore, Everything within is also infinite; especially Paths, Ways, and Beliefs. Don't let the sheep convince you that there is nothing beyond the fences that keep their flock contained within. ....But, it could also just be psychosomatic

6. Perhaps the solution to this problem is Open Confrontation. Maybe the two of you need to get your parents together, and declare to them "Hey look, We love each other. Plain pure and simple. Please don't put up barricades between our love or it could have serious detrimental effects on our spirits and our feelings and notions of love in the future... We are human beings, and we are experiencing, that's what humans do... Remember the lesson learned from Romeo and Juliet, you folks wouldn't want such an end to come to us now would you? " <_< Or something to that extent... You'll have to figure out the specifics on your own.. [confrontation can often be the best solution, just speak from the heart. But remember to keep cool and calm and collected. Be the voice of maturity and reason. Prove to them that your more than a kid. ]

7. Repression is just generally unhealthy. Don't let fear control you. BE.

8. Only you have the power to change that. and you can. Break your rusty cage and run if you need to.

9. The only way to topple a tyrant is to stand up for what you believe in. again don't let fear control you.

10. Yes and No. You will, if you allow it. But you won't if you don't allow yourself to do so. You are the master of your own destiny, you are the one whose living your life. Never give up, never surrender. Believe in yourself, and you'll be fine.

Whatever happens, good luck, good health, and good love. Namaste my friend.
Peace.

[sonrisa]

Hi NM, it's possible you are going thru a phase & not just a teenage one. These mental conditions go in cycles, sometimes you are in a down cycle, then you go into an up cycle, then maybe up some more, then back down, etc... It's good you've discussed this some with your Mom. She's right about you seeing a professional, s/he can determine if your problem is physiological or not & treat it accordingly. You should get her to run interference with your Dad, just from what you said about the boy scouts, you have problems with him that are affecting your well being. The therapist can also be helpful in getting him off your back. By all means resume yoga, it's benefits are mental as well as physical. Once you improve your mental state, you'll discover interesting things to do, which will alleviate your boredom.

Sneaking around isn't a good idea. I know you & Kathryn want to be together, but, as you pointed out yourself, she got caught & now you two are spending less time together. I know this sounds old, but if you want to spend more time together, you're gonna have to show your respective parents that you 2 can be trusted together. Also signing for the same classes & extracirrics is a way to be together & your folx can't do much about it. :)

It's possible your empty feelings have to do with winter. Lot's of folx get depressed just after the 1st of the Year when the Holidaze are all over. it's called SAD- honest! (http://www.negativeiongenerators.com/articles/SAD_winter_depression-3.html) Spring is coming, so perhaps your depression will lift. In any case good luck. Hoping your problem goes away, one way or another :)

[NeverMind]

I'm thinking the best way to deal with our parents is, as jesu said, just to sit them down and tell them the straight truth. I really need them to let us be a little freer and be able to learn through our own experiences and experimentation rather than just doing everything they say and trusting every word that comes from their archaic mouths.

My other solution, if the first doesn't work, is the Gandhi approach. If I stay within the bounds of the law and take my life into my own hands the only thing they can really do is a) compromise or B) take away my stuff. Is this a viable solution? Just open peaceful rebellion? I should really just sit them down first.

I am terrified of the truth right now. My mother yesterday told me that the most important thing to her is that I grow up to be a good christian. Obviously, being atheist, that's hard for me. I'm not going to compromise my beliefs to please her but I really don't like lying to her. I'm afraid that if I tell her the truth it will crush her and ruin our relationship. Even worse, if I told her and she just brushed it off as some stupid adolescent phase I was going through. I know thats what my father would do. He would ask a lot of questions about my reasons and make me feel stupid and awkward.

So much of what I have been doing in this relationship with Kathryn has been so opposed to my parents' beliefs that I'm pretty sure if I told them the whole truth their heads would explode. I should confront my problems, but right now I just feel like dodging them and running from them. It's not healthy but it's what I've been doing.

[sonrisa]

perhaps you should get some advice from a school counselor on how to handle these situations. S/he can help you with what to say to your parents & how to say it.

[jesupocaplypse]

"The higher I get up, is the deeper I get down" - Flea

School Counsellers are an oft overlooked, yet valuable resource. It certainly couldn't hurt.

I went through just about the exact situation in regards to parents and religion, particularily with my mother, except my folks are Roman Catholic... which just made the deal all the worse. I worked through it by talking with them about it. Got them prepared ahaead of time by saying, "when you have a day free, I would like to sit down with you and have a discussion about religion. I have a lot of thoughts and questions in my head that i need to get out. " Mom said she would talk with me the next day. I spent the time leading up to the discussion preping myself, since i was about your age at the time, and not as skilled in keeping it together... When the next day came, my mom made a pot of tea, and we talked. I told her that I had done a lot of soul searching lately, and have been studying the bible, and have come to some personal conclusions in regards to religion, God and Jesus. I said how, for the most part I respect and understand the things Jesus taught, and the ideals of Christianity, but I don't agree or approve of the many things the Church has done and does in the 'name' of Christ. and went on to explain how I believe in jesus and in god, but i don't believe in Organized Religion. It's good for some people, but not for me. It took her a while to really grasp and understand and accept. But she came to it eventually. According to their religion; i'm still going to burn in hell for all eternity, and so i don't think they'll ever approve or fully accept it... but never underestimate the power of denial.

I think the best plan would be to talk and discuss. Just make sure to leave judgements, condemnations, and such out of it. Your a smart kid, and clearly posess more wisdom than most your age, you'll come through alright whatever happens. Just don't give up. :thumbsup:

[NeverMind]

i think thats what i'm gonna end up doing
thanks jesu

i just really dont wanna let my mom down so hard. i mean, me being christian is the MOST important thing to her for me. I think she might understand my feelings better in a few months or years. But I should take care of it sooner because i really dont like lying to her.

about school counselors:
a) my mom is one
b)bad experiences in the past

[sonrisa]

Oh Lord ;)

his Dad's the scoutmaster, & now his Mom's the school counselor

buena suerte NM

Is there some adult you can confide in- an aunt or an uncle maybe that your parents respect & will listen to when s/he takes your side?

[bito]

If you think maybe I'm on to something, or you were in a similar predicament and found a way out of it, or didn't, whatever, I would like to know about it. I really need to get over this empty feeling. It is tearing me up. If anyone can help, please do.

loosening of conditioning (concepts about reality) is happening

:applause:

no way 'out' of conditioning, NM; all perceived ways 'out' are also concepts about reality

understanding conditioning (conceptualizing) ends suffering; belief in dualism/duality (the concepts of this and that and the resulting judging of these concepts) is conditioning

understanding there is no 'that' to judge or be judged by reveals reality

:dancing:

:loveyou:

[sahyo]

understanding there is no 'that' to judge or be judged by reveals reality

not through understanding
....not 'through'

[bito]

not through understanding
....not 'through'

:)

intuiting, seeing

[NeverMind]

oka bito-
all thats stuff just went way over my head

[todd]

Is there some adult you can confide in- an aunt or an uncle maybe that your parents respect & will listen to when s/he takes your side?
...this what he wants from us..

Nevermind, I think you're getting a bigger image of life, death, time, faith, etc... and you fell cornered, hopeless... just getting pessimistic. Do not worry, you will get use to it. You found the endless path of doubt, questions, relative and limited truth... There is no cure for it except maybe ....madness. Welcome

[sonrisa]

Originally posted by todd@Mar 22 2005, 10:25 AM
Is there some adult you can confide in- an aunt or an uncle maybe that your parents respect & will listen to when s/he takes your side?
...this what he wants from us..


exactly.

problem is, we don't actually know NM personally. We're just users on a discussion board. His parents don't know us at all. I know I wouldn't automatically take advice from some users on my kids' discussion forums. That is why I suggested that NM confide in somebody he knows personally, somebody his parents respect & will listen to if that person has to take up for NM.

[bito]

oka bito-
all thats stuff just went way over my head

okay... :) ...

...haiko from NM:

from my mind i reach
upwards through my skull and hair
into the universe


When perceiving NM's mind reaching upwards through skull and hair into the universe, what is NM perceiving as 'leaving behind' and what is NM perceiving as 'going into?'

[NeverMind]

not leaving
just continuing
encompassing all experiences

actually no, i just really wanna take my moms old minivan and get my girlfriend and withdraw some money from my savings account, and just drive South for a while.

I think its like I'm leaving behind the shackles of teenage life, school, parents, etc. and journeying into the real world, where i would have real freedoms and responsibilities. It would be much more difficult than my little sheltered existance, but I think I would enjoy the challenge for at least a few months. Then I would come home and get totally shafted by my parents.

Grrr.

[CSwriter1]

Never Mind, I have also felt an emptiness inside, during a period when I needed to grow. Do you notice an energy in the emptiness? I was very aware that if the energy spun in one direction, I felt like my life was being sucked into the void. When it spun in the oposite direction, it was a creative force. Consciously controlling the spin was helpful. Then doing a collage using pictures to represent who I am, was very helpful.

I didn't read all the comments, but as an older woman who is now a grandmother, the fear you must deal with is not only your own. There is also the fear of the parents involved in all this. You would be extremely advanced if you can address the parents fears in such away to reason away their fears. If you can do this, they will validate the rightness of your choices. It is is most likely the problem here. Especially your mother's profession would exagerate her fear that may be she isn't doing as well as she thought, or can't come up with the best ideas and things to say now that you are needing more independence. It is a trying time for both of you.

I will address your religious concerns under religion, subject diest. Thomas Jefferson was a diest who spend the latter years of his life editing the bible to conform to science.